Billy Rodriguez
The textbook millennial, BILLY RODRIGUEZ grew up in the not-Hollywood part of LA, did everything by the book, and got nothing in return. Good grades, college degree, and a job in software engineering only got him an overly-priced apartment and a ton of debt. As a buoy in a chaotic family, Billy had no great example of how to build a life, and is terrified of pushing harder to get what he wants. Now that the waters of his life have calmed, switching from buoy to boat is proving a challenge for him. Especially when keeping ties with his family can prove more damaging that helpful.
However, the only person who could really push him was his cousin FSP, at least until he became an overnight billionaire. The two were BFFs growing up, yin to a yang. FSP pushed Billy to do some pretty cool things, like kissing his first girl and punching out a school bully. But as they grew up the pushing became shoving, and once FSP’s fortune started to swell, he tried to prevent the inevitable growing distance between them by putting on huge expensive pranks. Billy’s line was crossed, and he disowned his cousin, but now he’s back to floating instead of moving. If he could get FSP back to who he was before the billions, he might just help himself.
FSP
The wildchild in a family of wild children, FSP (Fransisco Soto-Perron, or “Fuck Shit Piss” if you ask him) was too smart for the bad kids, too ADHD for the smart kids, and too “don’t give a shit” for anyone. Blessed/cursed with too much bravery, FSP gladly pinballs his way through life, and somehow always managed to keep his head above water. Always loving a good jimmy rustling, FSP was a “troll” before the internet coined that term, and took every opportunity to pull a prank, piss off an older person, or humiliate a bully. This led him to drop out of high school and form an emo band, but it quickly fell apart when he realized he didn’t have enough hair. Lucky for him he won one of the first billion dollar lotteries, so he could pay for some hair plugs.
Money has a way of stunting growth, and FSP is no exception. His personality was widely accepted at first, with people calling him “Tony Stark” or the “Relatable Billionaire”. But as society moved from South Park to #metoo, FSP was left behind. The core of his assholery was always pointed at the establishment and old people, but as an older person who is now the establishment FSP’s motives have eroded to the typical right-wing-adjacent bs. This greatly affected his already rocky relationships with his family, and any friends he once had, leaving him in a harem of yes-people who do nothing to steer him away from the mental decline of mega-rich people. Billy is not only a link to his pre-wealthy self, but the only family member who didn’t ask for money, or expected anything from him other than himself. With a dearth of emotional tools, FSP has struggled to keep Billy around, but the more he’s pushed into insanity the more he realizes he needs Billy to keep his feet on the ground.
Beatrix Westbrook
To say that successful normalcy is the dragon BEATRIX is chasing would be an understatement. Growing up a trans woman in Dayton Ohio, she felt like she wasn’t only in the wrong body, but the wrong location. Plunging into the sea of being herself was a lonely journey, as her family quickly disowned her after she came out, but she prepared herself as best as she could. After attending Harvard Business school, she was left with jobs that could barely cover her student loans, until a head hunter called her about a position assisting FSP. Now living full time on FSP’s dick boat, Beatrix still dreams of that normal life, but she’s coming to accept the fact that maybe… just maybe… normalcy isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.
Donaldson
Donaldson’s background is quite the mystery, with every action he takes making his history even more confusing. He’s just as comfortable piloting an Osprey as he is fomenting political unrest, all in an impeccably tailored suit and an infinite supply of 18 year old scotch. He’s the perfect right-hand-man to FSP, with arcane skills and unexpected connections, Donaldson manages to get any job done, yet no one knows who he actually is or where he came from. Maybe it doesn’t matter. All you have to know is you want Donaldson on your side.
Ben Shapiro
After creating an alt-right rage-tainment empire, Ben was approached by FSP to be his political advisor. Seeing this as a clear opportunity to get in the inner circle with the richest man ever, Ben took on the challenge, only to be relegated to a hype man on the best days, and court jester on the worst. Ben does have FSP’s ear when it comes to political matters, pushing him into a weird alt-right slant, but FSP is realizing that this stance alienates more than it attracts. Ben still has hope that he could win over FSP, but those days seem to be numbered now that Billy is back in the picture.
Jay-Z
After creating one of the biggest hip-hop empires, and marrying the biggest pop star at the time, Jay-Z was the first black man to join the Illuminati. (Michael Jackson turned it down because he wanted to change the HQ to Neverland, and the other members thought it was too creepy.) Around 2012, rumors spread of his involvement after he dropped “hints” in his music and stage presence, which caused him to be reprimanded for associating the secret society with “hippity hop thuggerisim”. From then on he was determined to take over and reform the secret society, which was challenging to say the least. Taking it over was the easy part, but reforming a bunch of whiny super rich white men is next to impossible. Jay-Z is anything but a quitter, and does everything he can from keeping the group from falling apart as society changes.
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